Late Thursday Jukebox: Dean Ween Vents Spleen

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Sam Wilkinson

According to a faithful reader, I'm Ordinary Times's "least thoughtful writer." So I've got that going for me, which is nice.

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33 Responses

  1. Avatar Aaron says:

    Anything by The Doors.Report

  2. Avatar Glyph says:

    Dude. I read this piece on AVClub this AM and was laughing my butt off. Most of the “Hatesongs” are pretty lame, but this one was gold. Thanks for bringing it over. “What’s Up” is indeed the worst.

    Did you get into the comments at all? They were just as great. The very first one links to this, which I had never seen, but have since watched about 5 times.

    Then, further down, this exchange:

    Kevin N: I have to say, I always liked the song myself. I picked up the CD for $2 somewhere. “Spaceman” off the same album is also pretty good.

    Texass: Well you’re a dick.

    Kevin N: I should’ve seen that one coming.

    Report

    • Avatar dhex says:

      it’s golden, though…i would probably rather hear what’s up than any ween song. if i had to pick in a ticking timebomb scenario, i mean.

      besides, that “what if god were one of us” song is clearly the superior hatesong choice. it’s ear murder.Report

      • Avatar krogerfoot says:

        “What If God Were One of Us” and “What’s Up” are linked in terribleness, I think, by their bone-deep conviction of their own profundity. Other than the lyrics, though, isn’t “God” pretty inoffensive? Competently played and well sung? Or is that part of the problem for you – bland professionalism in the service of prissy chin-stroking?

        “What’s Up,” on the other hand, is a marvel. Writing a song is basically making lots of choices, and “What’s Up” is the result of making the worst possible musical choice wherever possible and calling it a song.Report

        • Avatar Glyph says:

          I have to agree with krogerfoot. “God” is awful, all right (the “God”/”slob” rhyme is sheer terribleness), but it really pales in comparison to “What’s Up?”. I am no huge Ween fan either (though this interview helped), but in a ticking time-bomb scenario, it’s Ween in a landslide.

          Even “Daisies”. Even that.Report

  3. Avatar greginak says:

    Anything by Van Halen.Report

  4. Avatar Patrick says:

    Now I’m listening to What’s Up with a new ear tuned for evil.

    I always disliked this song, but I never really gave it much thought other than I thought it sucked.

    I think he’s right. I think this was crafted by the Devil.Report

  5. Avatar Andrew says:

    I’m always amused by people who have such an intense hatred for a song or a performer…. You know, if you don’t like the music, you don’t have to listen. But, then again, some people get off on complaining.Report

    • Avatar greginak says:

      “But, then again, some people get off on complaining.” Finally someone who really understands the Internet.Report

  6. Avatar Will H. says:

    Poison.
    The whole band.
    I would much prefer to be trapped in an elevator with nothing but the Village People playing non-stop.Report

    • Avatar Will H. says:

      . . . and I would add that I was scarred by having grown up in a place where by far the greatest majority of my age group views Lynyrd Skynyrd as the very reason the term “Music” was conceived.
      I never liked Zeppelin growing up (though I came to appreciate them within recent years), and I refused to learn “Stairway to Heaven” for a long time (I’ve actually had people walk right past me while I was playing it, thinking it was the radio). In high school, inspired by Judas Priest’s “Evil Fantasies,” I made cassettes of Zeppelin on 45 for my listening pleasure. Screws up the vocals a bit, but it tends to sound a lot better.

      I refused to learn “Freebird.”
      Finally, one day, I felt I had enough of these requests; or for whatever reason (I’m not entirely clear). I came up with this punk version of “Freebird” incorporating bits of the Sex Pistols, the Ramones, and some other stuff that I can’t even remember what it is.
      But that’s really the only version of “Freebird” I really like; the one that used the F-word a lot.

      But I will never, ever, ever play “House of the Rising Son.”

      In my youthful sojourn to New England, there were a number of people, noting the hat (a sombrero del norte– definitely not a “cowboy hat”), that would ask me if I knew any Kenny Rogers songs.
      I would say, “Sure;” then rip on some Metallica.
      I kinda miss that.Report

  7. Avatar Just Me says:

    BlaiseP is laughing his ass off. I ask him what is so funny, he starts howling again pointing to the computer. I just know tonight he is going to wake up laughing and repeating bits and pieces of this post.Report

    • Avatar BlaiseP says:

      TMI, my darlink. I was laughing at Dean Ween’s Two Minute Hatin’ on 4 Non Blondes.Report

      • Avatar Sam says:

        While I recognize that you were only doing your best to fill in the blanks for those in the thread, please let me have my moment.Report

        • Avatar BlaiseP says:

          You did. Oh you did have your moment.

          I’ve tried to keep my horizons broad, never go a-hatin’ on anyone’s music. But a few horrid songs come to mind. The Wimp Rock of the middle to late 70s: Dan Fogelberg and John Denver penned any number of execrable ditties. Loggins and Messina, another pair of useless twats. But soaring above the flaming abyss of 70s eviltude on leathery wings was the Styx band, playing Babe.Report

          • Avatar Glyph says:

            Hey, I like Henry John Deutschendorf, Jr. He had a lovely voice, and “Leaving on a Jet Plane” is great!

            But who the dickens is Dan Fogerburp?Report

  8. Avatar Chris says:

    Anything by Melissa Ethridge. Especially. Relatedly.

    This may be an irrational hate (I’ve known people who liked Ethridge), but I don’t care. It’s like fingernails on a chalkboard to me.Report

    • Avatar Glyph says:

      Etheridge has basically made a career of “What’s Up?”‘s. Simple chord progressions, bellowing tunelessness masquerading as emotion over the top. The only reason she doesn’t take the top spot over 4 Non-Blondes is slightly better escapability and slightly better fashion sense.Report

  9. Avatar J@m3z Aitch says:

    The worst sing ever written and recorded, bar none, is “I’ve Never Been to Me.”Report

    • Avatar Chris says:

      Ooooh, if we’re going to go to that level, then I assume anything by Creed wins. “You’re listening to a band that’s an imitation of a band that’s an imitation of a band. And they take themselves very, very seriously.”Report

      • Avatar J@m3z Aitch says:

        I couldn’t recognize a Creed song if my child’s life depended on it, but I’ve never heard anything good about them from anyone whose musical knowledge I respected.

        Too bad your views on hockey aren’t as sophisticated as your views on music.Report

        • Avatar Chris says:

          I really enjoy hockey live. On television, it’s just watching men skate with sticks, and then hearing an announcer yell “goal!” or “save!”Report

    • Avatar trumwill mobile says:

      I have a bit of a soft spot for that one, actually. Hate the monolog, though.Report

    • Avatar Zane says:

      “I’ve Never Been to Me” is a really bad song. But completely listenable.Report

  10. Avatar Artor says:

    Hey, “What’s Up” got me laid, so I can’t hate on it as bad as the rest of you. For me, I always fumbled to kill the radio when “Lady in Red” came on. Springteen’s twang on “Born in the USA” grates on my ears pretty bad too.Report

  11. Avatar krogerfoot says:

    Some awful person was playing a Bruno Mars album at a noodle place around here, and it occurred to me that his songs are the musical equivalent of those sad Official Mascots of wherever’s Olympic Games or World Cup. So little thought or originality went into their creation, it’s kind of a marvel that they even exist.

    Deaner’s opinion of “What’s Up” is noble and correct. It’s a perfect shitstorm of a song. Only the kind of people who would think 4 Non-Blondes was a good band name could produce something so terrible. It makes perfect sense that it became a massive hit.Report

  12. Avatar Brandon Berg says:

    Not counting songs whose genres I dislike, I’m going to go with “Horse with no Name.” How did this ever become a hit? I know it was the early ’70s and everyone was on drugs, but…what the hell?Report

  13. Avatar Zane says:

    Have none of you been to Disney World?

    “It’s a Small World” is what they play in Hell.Report