Late Thursday Jukebox: Dean Ween Vents Spleen
Ween is a world unto itself, a band whose fierce independence has forever earned my appreciation, even if its music often left me behind. Unfortunately, the band dissolved last year in precisely the sort of way one might have expected, with one of the band’s two founding members casually announcing that Ween was no more, news that hadn’t, as it turned out, reached the other founding member.
That independent streak though? It produced the following three songs:
And this…
And this…
To my mind, those all sound quite different from one another, and yet, there they are, each of them recorded by the same band, one that’s unfortunately done. But those two founding members? They’re still around, and one of them – Mickey “Dean Ween” Melchiondo – just gave an interview to about his hatred of the 4 Non Blondes’ ubiqitous “What’s Up?” I seriously doubt that I can do his outrage sufficient justice, so I’ll simply quote my favorite parts instead:
I don’t remember where I was, or what I was doing, but I remember hearing it and thinking, “This is the most obnoxious fucking hollering I’ve ever heard in my life.” I could envision the horrible, horrible female that was singing it, and I knew that it was gonna be a hit, just by how bad I hated it. I knew that it was going to be played for years by every fucking bad girl band that came through my local bar, and sung on every karaoke night for the rest of time. I was just instantly overcome with a sense of dread, and of course it’s all come to pass. Then I saw the video for it, and the people that I imagined would be so loathsome as to make such a piece of shit of a song looked identical to what I imagined them to be in my mind.
That’s only the beginning of the utter meltdown because there’s also this:
f it was on in a bar or a restaurant, I would go out of my way to make them turn it off. There’s all kinds of bad music out there, but everything about the song makes my ears bleed. The over-singing, the awful lyrics, and the guitar. There’s a guitar solo in it that’s like what you learn the first week you get a guitar and take a lesson. They show you a blues scale, and that’s what is being played on the song. Everything about the song is so awful that if I sat down and tried to write the worst song ever, I couldn’t even make it 10 percent of the reality of how awful that song is.
…and this:
I’d like to fight the whole band. That’s how much I hate the song. I’d like to fight them.
…and this exchange with the interviewer:
AVC: When I was 11, in 1993, my Mom and I bought the 4 Non Blondes tape, and we would blast “What’s Up?” on the way to soccer practice. I have a begrudging, sentimental love for this song.
DW: Well, you’re a dick!
Which brings us to this: what song do you find the most loathsome? Other than “What’s Up?” I mean.
Anything by The Doors.Report
Dammit Aaron, let this thread breath before shutting it down with the right answer!Report
Dude. I read this piece on AVClub this AM and was laughing my butt off. Most of the “Hatesongs” are pretty lame, but this one was gold. Thanks for bringing it over. “What’s Up” is indeed the worst.
Did you get into the comments at all? They were just as great. The very first one links to this, which I had never seen, but have since watched about 5 times.
Then, further down, this exchange:
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it’s golden, though…i would probably rather hear what’s up than any ween song. if i had to pick in a ticking timebomb scenario, i mean.
besides, that “what if god were one of us” song is clearly the superior hatesong choice. it’s ear murder.Report
“What If God Were One of Us” and “What’s Up” are linked in terribleness, I think, by their bone-deep conviction of their own profundity. Other than the lyrics, though, isn’t “God” pretty inoffensive? Competently played and well sung? Or is that part of the problem for you – bland professionalism in the service of prissy chin-stroking?
“What’s Up,” on the other hand, is a marvel. Writing a song is basically making lots of choices, and “What’s Up” is the result of making the worst possible musical choice wherever possible and calling it a song.Report
I have to agree with krogerfoot. “God” is awful, all right (the “God”/”slob” rhyme is sheer terribleness), but it really pales in comparison to “What’s Up?”. I am no huge Ween fan either (though this interview helped), but in a ticking time-bomb scenario, it’s Ween in a landslide.
Even “Daisies”. Even that.Report
Yes, “One of Us” is far more bland in its badness. There’s really no comparison there.Report
Anything by Van Halen.Report
Now I’m listening to What’s Up with a new ear tuned for evil.
I always disliked this song, but I never really gave it much thought other than I thought it sucked.
I think he’s right. I think this was crafted by the Devil.Report
No, the Devil has better tunes. This is some sort of false flag operation…Report
I’m always amused by people who have such an intense hatred for a song or a performer…. You know, if you don’t like the music, you don’t have to listen. But, then again, some people get off on complaining.Report
“But, then again, some people get off on complaining.” Finally someone who really understands the Internet.Report
Poison.
The whole band.
I would much prefer to be trapped in an elevator with nothing but the Village People playing non-stop.Report
. . . and I would add that I was scarred by having grown up in a place where by far the greatest majority of my age group views Lynyrd Skynyrd as the very reason the term “Music” was conceived.
I never liked Zeppelin growing up (though I came to appreciate them within recent years), and I refused to learn “Stairway to Heaven” for a long time (I’ve actually had people walk right past me while I was playing it, thinking it was the radio). In high school, inspired by Judas Priest’s “Evil Fantasies,” I made cassettes of Zeppelin on 45 for my listening pleasure. Screws up the vocals a bit, but it tends to sound a lot better.
I refused to learn “Freebird.”
Finally, one day, I felt I had enough of these requests; or for whatever reason (I’m not entirely clear). I came up with this punk version of “Freebird” incorporating bits of the Sex Pistols, the Ramones, and some other stuff that I can’t even remember what it is.
But that’s really the only version of “Freebird” I really like; the one that used the F-word a lot.
But I will never, ever, ever play “House of the Rising Son.”
In my youthful sojourn to New England, there were a number of people, noting the hat (a sombrero del norte– definitely not a “cowboy hat”), that would ask me if I knew any Kenny Rogers songs.
I would say, “Sure;” then rip on some Metallica.
I kinda miss that.Report
BlaiseP is laughing his ass off. I ask him what is so funny, he starts howling again pointing to the computer. I just know tonight he is going to wake up laughing and repeating bits and pieces of this post.Report
TMI, my darlink. I was laughing at Dean Ween’s Two Minute Hatin’ on 4 Non Blondes.Report
While I recognize that you were only doing your best to fill in the blanks for those in the thread, please let me have my moment.Report
You did. Oh you did have your moment.
I’ve tried to keep my horizons broad, never go a-hatin’ on anyone’s music. But a few horrid songs come to mind. The Wimp Rock of the middle to late 70s: Dan Fogelberg and John Denver penned any number of execrable ditties. Loggins and Messina, another pair of useless twats. But soaring above the flaming abyss of 70s eviltude on leathery wings was the Styx band, playing Babe.Report
Hey, I like Henry John Deutschendorf, Jr. He had a lovely voice, and “Leaving on a Jet Plane” is great!
But who the dickens is Dan Fogerburp?Report
Anything by Melissa Ethridge. Especially. Relatedly.
This may be an irrational hate (I’ve known people who liked Ethridge), but I don’t care. It’s like fingernails on a chalkboard to me.Report
Etheridge has basically made a career of “What’s Up?”‘s. Simple chord progressions, bellowing tunelessness masquerading as emotion over the top. The only reason she doesn’t take the top spot over 4 Non-Blondes is slightly better escapability and slightly better fashion sense.Report
The worst sing ever written and recorded, bar none, is “I’ve Never Been to Me.”Report
Ooooh, if we’re going to go to that level, then I assume anything by Creed wins. “You’re listening to a band that’s an imitation of a band that’s an imitation of a band. And they take themselves very, very seriously.”Report
I couldn’t recognize a Creed song if my child’s life depended on it, but I’ve never heard anything good about them from anyone whose musical knowledge I respected.
Too bad your views on hockey aren’t as sophisticated as your views on music.Report
I really enjoy hockey live. On television, it’s just watching men skate with sticks, and then hearing an announcer yell “goal!” or “save!”Report
I have a bit of a soft spot for that one, actually. Hate the monolog, though.Report
“I’ve Never Been to Me” is a really bad song. But completely listenable.Report
Hey, “What’s Up” got me laid, so I can’t hate on it as bad as the rest of you. For me, I always fumbled to kill the radio when “Lady in Red” came on. Springteen’s twang on “Born in the USA” grates on my ears pretty bad too.Report
Some awful person was playing a Bruno Mars album at a noodle place around here, and it occurred to me that his songs are the musical equivalent of those sad Official Mascots of wherever’s Olympic Games or World Cup. So little thought or originality went into their creation, it’s kind of a marvel that they even exist.
Deaner’s opinion of “What’s Up” is noble and correct. It’s a perfect shitstorm of a song. Only the kind of people who would think 4 Non-Blondes was a good band name could produce something so terrible. It makes perfect sense that it became a massive hit.Report
Not counting songs whose genres I dislike, I’m going to go with “Horse with no Name.” How did this ever become a hit? I know it was the early ’70s and everyone was on drugs, but…what the hell?Report
Why do you hate America?Report
Have none of you been to Disney World?
“It’s a Small World” is what they play in Hell.Report
It’s so bad that prolonged exposure can result in harm: http://blog.sfgate.com/crime/2013/03/26/man-trapped-in-its-a-small-world-wins-suit/Report