Thursday Bar Fight #12: Just Like The Travelling Wilburys, Only Not Really
Good news, everyone!
In an attempt to reverse trends in flagging record sales, the music industry has agreed to allow you to create an all-star superband to be The Next Big Thing. All you need to do choose the actual band members. You can choose any personnel you wish, provided that the band has at least four members but no more than six.
Added bonus: As a show of gratitude, the industry has agreed to pay you .0002% of the net proceeds from album and concert ticket sales. So not only do you have the opportunity to go down in history as the greatest music producer of all time, you also have the potential to become obscenely rich as a result – provided that the band succeeds, of course.
And therein lies this Thursday Night Bar Fight quandary:
Which musicians do you choose to be part of your all-star band?
Keep in mind that, as always, there are some additional rules and stipulations:
- Once chosen, everyone in your superband will be contractually obligated to play together as one unit for ten years; they will not be allowed to play in any other bands or pursue solo careers during this time. The only way for them to be released from this obligation will be to retire from the industry altogether. Should a member decide to quit, you will not be allowed to replace them. Because of this it might be wise to consider things like egos and bad histories – assuming that longevity in a band is important to you, of course.
- Because we don’t yet have the power to raise the dead (thanks a lot, Obama!), the musicians chosen must be currently living.
- Everyone chosen will be as they actually are in real-life 2013, with all of the normal aging and life expectancy issues. Should a member pass away or become too infirm to continue over the next ten years, you will not be allowed to replace them. So choosing someone like, say, Keith Richards to be your lead guitar player might be kind of a crapshoot.
- Only those musicians chosen now will be allowed to record and perform with the band. There will be no additional set musicians allowed, either in studio or concert. So if you choose six great guitar players, for example, there will be no bass, drums, keyboards, etc. on your recordings.
- Each member chosen will be allowed to play only one instrument for the band. Ben Folds may be able to play drums, bass, guitar, violin and keyboards, but for this band he can only play the one that you choose. There are two exceptions to this rule: Any musician can be a vocalist as well as an instrumentalist, and guitar players like Bob Dylan who also play the harmonica will be allowed to continue doing both. (Obviously, you are still allowed to have one or more of your musicians be singer/rapper/vocalists that play no instrument.)
- The band will not be allowed to record covers, songs they have previously recorded, or songs written by anyone not in the band. Because of this, you may wish to take into account the ability to compose as well as perform music.
- You are not allowed to choose multiple musicians from the same band. You are therefore allowed to choose either Paul McCartney or Ring Starr, but you are not allowed to choose both.
And as is often the case, there is a bonus question as well:
What all-star band would you make if all the above rules applied, except that you had to choose all deceased personnel?
Note: Thanks to Kazzy for coming up with the concept for this week’s bar fight.
If you have an idea for a future bar fight, please feel free to leave it in the threads, or send me an email or tweet at the addresses linked to below.