Parenting: The Game (Introduction)



One man. Two boys. Twelve kids.

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24 Responses

  1. Avatar Kazzy says:

    Players chosen: Kazzy (Father) and Zazzy (Mother)

    Kazzy’s Strengths: muscle mass; height; impervious to crying; impervious to pee, poop, and vomit; patience; functions well on minimal sleep
    Kazzy’s Weaknesses: limited provision skills (those that do exist are entirely dependent on Mother character); moron; asshole friends; limited emotional depth/range; reckless; poor hygiene

    Zazzy’s Strengths: food production; awareness of child’s needs; attentiveness; ability to follow directions; napping ability; pretty; great hygiene
    Zazzy’s Weaknesses: grossed out by all bodily functions; anxiety; demonstrates Zombie-like tendencies when tired; emotional instabilityReport

  2. Avatar Dan Miller says:

    This is brilliant. Space awesome.Report

  3. Avatar Glyph says:

    Will you be providing cheat codes, I hope? I am never gonna finish this thing otherwise.Report

    • Avatar Kazzy says:

      You serious? I’m on level 1! You’re going to have to ask the more experienced players among us… Tod, Mike D, Schilling, and others. I’m of no help. I can’t even figure out what the controls are… Neither trigger seems to be the “Stop crying” button.Report

  4. Avatar Jaybird says:

    You’re playing it wrong. Now, I’ve never played it myself but I have some serious theories about it and, seriously, this goes against most of them.Report

    • Avatar Kazzy says:

      You’re gonna have to help us out, man. You’re the resident gaming expert, even if you’re experience with this particular game is nil.Report

      • Avatar Jaybird says:

        First off, you have to figure out what you want to be good at and pour your stats into that. That likely means that you have to figure out what you don’t care if you’re bad at and use those as dump stats.Report

        • Avatar dhex says:

          sleeping is a dump stat now, as is charisma.Report

          • Avatar Kimsie says:

            Drowsing is a necessary skill for young parents!
            (Yes, I play Rolemaster. Yes, Drowsing is an actual skill in the game).Report

        • Avatar Kazzy says:

          So, if I’m okay with my kid sucking at tennis, I don’t need to spend 40 minutes searching for the tennis power-up?Report

          • Avatar Jaybird says:

            I was more under the impression that that was a “combined stat”. Like you have to add up Dex and End or something.

            Wait, what system are we using?

            This is a lot easier with cats, for the record.Report

  5. Avatar JLW says:

    What – no mention of storage and bank issues?

    A simple trek to the Swamps of Dispair now involves 400lbs of gear.

    That and every time you make a move you pay $300 to the Guild of Folding Contraptions for stuff you can only use for 6 months (but which take a permanent slot in your inventory).Report

  6. Avatar Mike Schilling says:

    It seems to me that the Ann Dunham victory has become impossible.Report

  7. Avatar James Hanley says:

    Player: Father.
    Level: 15 (1 level per year)
    Alignment: Chaotic Good
    Strengths: Good with female toddler; exploration and travel; +10 intelligence (that’s what my public profile says, anyway).
    Weaknesses: Impatience; emotional blindness; occasional thoughts about cats, bags, and bridges.Report

  8. Avatar Mike Schilling says:


    While weaponizing the child can be very useful for defeating the other players in the current level, it is not overall a winning strategy.Report

    • Avatar Glyph says:

      That diaper was weaponized when I got there; truly, the only winning strategy would have been not to play. Now I can’t even send it to Yucca Mountain. Thanks a lot Obama!Report

  9. Avatar Reformed Republican says:

    The difficulty curve on this game is poorly designed, if you ask me. Just when you start to feel like you master the requiredset of skills, you get put into a new difficulty level where everything changes. The effective tactics you spent so much time learning all get thrown out the window. It is almost like starting a completely different game.Report

  10. Avatar JLW says:

    Another real problem is that one you have your first instance running the respawn locations disappear.Report