Trouble Making
The older students in my school are currently doing some writing assessments. One of the prompts the 6th grade received was:
“Imagine you are the king of your own country. Describe what it would look like and how it would function.”
I was tutoring a 6th grader and helping him with the piece. I just couldn’t help but say, “Have you considered exploring whether you would even want to be part of a country that had a king empowered in such a way?”
He didn’t think his teacher would like that very much.
Fascists.
In my kingdom, everything would be blue.
Things not already blue would be made to be blue.
And the name of the kingdom would be: Will’s Kingdom of Blues.
And my official title would be: King Daddy Will of the Blues.
Although my loyal subjects (and the traitorous bastards as well) would pronounce it as: Will-o’ da Blues.
But most people would just call me K.D. for short; unless it was an official function.
And I would have the biggest space station there is.
I’m not going to use it for war-like purposes, but just to hang out at.
I’d invite my friends over, and we’d watch a bit of the tube. I’d have a really cool dish set-up there.
No bong hits though. You can never tell how that’s going to work out in outer space.
And beer is out of the question, because that leads to peeing. Drunk people taking a whiz in outer space is an accident waiting to happen.
That’s not so hard.Report
This is most amusing, particularly when read with the filter “Blue is the ultimate force of destruction” (not making that one up, either — it’s from a japanese game.)Report
The economy of my kingdom will be heavily reliant on the export of our prized blue goldfish, that grow up to ten feet long, and can swallow a shark.
Crime would be quite low in the kingdom, though anyone caught defending that stupid AL DH rule would be publicly flogged.Report
Well done, Kazzy. Fight the power.Report
How funny. I just used a kingdom as an example in my teaching too. Explaining why someone from an indigenous hunter-gatherer society might rationally reject the opportunity to join a technologically-advanced industrial one, I said to my students, “I want you to leave your society and join mine. Your life will be immensely richer, your standards of living will increase significantly. You will have a bigger, more comfortable house, better food, substantially more leisure time, no-cost health care, lower taxes, and free education. All you need to do is renounce your citizenship and recognize me as your king. Fear not, for I am a wise, benevolent, and generous king and my kingdom is the most prosperous nation on Earth by a substantial margin.” There were no takers.Report
“What are the rules of succession?”Report
Does it look like I care? I’m king right now, bitches. When I die, y’all are on your own. If it makes you feel any better, here, have a dukedom. When I kick it, you’ll be in line somewhere.Report
Make me next in line and you have a deal.
BTW, do you employ a food tester? No reason, just asking [hums innocently]Report
It would be great if the student wrote that his kingdom is a constitutional monarchy where real political authority is in an elected parliament and his duties are primarily ceremonial. I’d give him an A for that, and anyone who wouldn’t should be slugged with a sock of marbles (maybe not literally).Report
Heh… either that or start by describing a utopian society before slowly transitioning to the horrors that would result.
“Everyone would have ice cream to eat for every meal. And if people want broccoli because they value healthy eating? Well, those idiots will just get put in jail.”Report
That would be the ideological correct manner but I’d be more impressed with a kid who wrote that he or she wanted her state to be governed in the paternalistic Prussian fashion or in the manner of the House of Bourbon where eveything was to make the King or Queen look splendid. It would show a better understanding of the varieties of monarchy.Report
Or the Haspburg monarchy, because his cousin is really hot.Report
As someone who lives in a constitutional monarchy, I’d rather a king who would just blow up the whole stupid idea and embrace a republic.Report
Eh…elected governments suck. For example, every elected government, ever. The reason democracy is generally preferable to monarchy is that it reduces variance in the quality of governance. You don’t get good governance, but you’re also not likely to get really terrible evil-dictator governance.
But if you can guarantee that you’re going to get a good monarch, monarchy beats democracy every time. If you were a monarch, you’d have to be nuts to cede power to the kind of clowns who win elections. Maybe if you couldn’t find a trustworthy successor you could specify that the nation should become a constitutionally restrained republic upon your death, but not before.Report
““Imagine you are the king of your own country. Describe what it would look like and how it would function.”
I was the 6th (and 5th, and 4th, and 3rd) grader saying “well, first of all, I wouldn’t be a KING, because I’m a girl, duh. And, second of all, this whole monarchy thing is overrated. Do you know how much it would shorten my life expectancy? I’d much rather be an earl. Can I be the earl that doesn’t want the job and runs around playing Robin Hood all day? Robin Hood was pretty good as nobles go… Of course, he didn’t have a very high life expectancy either. But it was worth it…”
And then, you know, 20 minutes later I would’ve still been talking. 😀
Which is to say, GOOD FOR YOU.Report
While I expect that I would not have given a particularly creative answer, it would be cool if a kid said that he would be an absolute tyrant if given absolute power and then finished off by saying that’s why we should have constitutions.Report
“First, I would have all of my bullies drawn and quartered.”Report
First, I would have all of my bullies drawn
This obsession with portraiture is weirdReport
Off with your head!
(Sorry, I really got into the role.)Report
In my kingdom, there will be no kings.
And all the Queens will be named Eowyn.Report
Can’t be a kingdom without any kings. If there are only queens we should call it a queendomReport
Presuming other such nation-states haven’t adopted my progressive rule by Queen, Kingdom is the name of nations ruled by a monarchy, no?
When all such nation-states shift (or even more then half), then Queendom it shall be.Report
Why do we have to wait for even more than half. Just call a state ruled by queens a queendom, one ruled by kings kingdoms and those ruled by either kings or queens whichever depending on who is occupying the throne. Then if there is joint rule by both a king and a queen, then we can call it either a keendom or a quingdom depending on who originally had power and who subsequently married into power.Report
Before or after I slip into madness?
Either way I think we should build up our wildfire supplies. Bring my pyromancer and the master of coin.Report