5 Things I Am Not.
Conor appears to think he speaks on behalf of these so-called progressives. I find in general these attempts to conceptualize so broadly to be pointless. Debate is only important insofar as we have individual characteristics. So in response I think it’s worth noting what I am Not.
1) Progressive
Every time I see a left-leaning person describe themselves as “progressive” I get the urge to do one of those ironic mocking slow golf-claps. Look, I get it, you’re too cool to self-identify as a liberal or a whig. Fine. But not me. I’m proud of being a liberal (with all that it implies) and a follower of whiggery.
2) American
I have a handful of things that set me off in a terrible rage, but perhaps the biggest is to be mistaken for an American. I mean, really…
3) Strictly Speaking: Human
So on occasion I’ve had people ask why I’m online at ungodly hours despite posting at ordinary ones, too. Well the answer is that I’m actually a computer program imprint of the original Nob Akimoto. If you wonder how it happened, then you clearly haven’t been paying enough attention to Japanese pop culture. And yes, the original Mr. Akimoto unfortunately suffered a nervous breakdown and is locked up in an asylum somewhere in the Azabu District.
4) Walter Russell Mead or Victor Davis Hanson
Well, actually, I might be…
5) Original
So after numerous threats of exposure by a jealous Mr. Isquith, I have decided to come clean. Most of my posts are not original. They are in fact the work of some Japanese bloggers who I have run through google translate a few times then contracted out to various bloggers for some proofing.
You are easily the most original progressive American human I know.Report
That alone should cost you a burger at El Camino.Report
My new thing is Man Bites Dog. But don’t bother trying the Cartoon Dog.Report
Given that I’m allergic to peanuts I’ll definitely pass on it.
Did you ever try out Michi? Do you live near that area by the way? I’m now living on North Lamar.
Also there’s a new place on Sixth Street that does ramen done by the same owners as Kome. Called Daruma, they’re doing a soft opening until April 8th, IIRC.Report
I haven’t tried Michi yet. My girlfriend and I were headed there once, and got hijacked by some friends who wanted something else, and I’d forgotten about it since. Now I need to go.
I live off Burnet, so basically that neighborhood.Report
And I am not Nob’s mother.
But I am also proud to call myself a Liberal.
I am not a computer program.
But I use computer programs to communicate.
And I am not Japanese.
But I really like Japanese knitting books.Report
Japanese knitting books?Report
“Walter Russell Mead or Victor Davis Hanson
Well, actually, I might be…”
There’s a simple test to see if somebody’s not one of those two; it’s called the Turing Test 🙂Report
Let’s not insult Chatbots and Spambots by comparing them to those two.Report
I failed the Turing Test, but I had a unionized, public school teacher who didn’t add enough value. I blame her and not my programmers.Report
Also, that Chinese Room only passed because they focus so much on rote learning and teaching to the test.Report
Also, this is the most subtly clever thing that I have ever written.Report
Give it up, Nob. Despite wilting to Elias’s criticism, we know you’re just some performance art project dreamed up by Elias.Report
Shit…this kind of ruins the smokescreen effect, you know.Report
But sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.Report
That was a prop for my “Let’s go watch Wall Street 2 in Costume” occasion.
…It was an Avo XO, which nowadays I no longer smoke.Report
Sometimes a cigar is a cock.Report
Eough with the Clinton bashing.Report