Thursday Night Bar Fight #6: The League Of Gentlepeople That Are As Extraordinary As Possible Without Alan Moore Suing Us for Trademark Infringement
If you haven’t turned on the news today, you really should. It’s just catastrophic news alert after catastrophic news alert.
Why, in the past hour we just learned that the world’s most evil scientists have teamed up with the most notorious super villains to create The Evil Committee Of Not-At-All Nice People; they intend to take over the world. And that’s coming on the heels of the news that an advanced alien race is headed toward Earth with the intention of enslaving all of mankind. And just before that we learned that Meta World Peace has torn the meniscus in his right knee, thus cementing the sad reality that the Lakers will not make the playoffs.
These are indeed the direst of times.
It turns out that the government has been working on a machine that might well save us. It’s called the Imaginotoriumator, and its purpose is simple: Insert the name of a comic book or movie hero into the front end, and that actual hero emerges from the other side. We have been instructed to use this machine to create a League of Heroes to thwart the coming dangers ahead.
However, there are some limitations to the plan. For one, each machine can only work once, and due the current budget crisis we only have five Imaginotoriumators. (Thanks a lot, Obama!). This means we have to make a team of five and only five heroes. In addition, for reasons that have to do with “quantum” no hero can be made twice. Also, the Supreme Court has just handed down a ruling that stipulates that due to the religious establishment clause, no God, Demigods, or other religious figures will be allowed – so we won’t be able to, say, make Jesus and ask him to ask his Dad for help. Lastly, the real heroes will emerge with the innate talents and powers their fictional counterparts had, but they will not possess the characters’ luck or winning narrative. In other words, that Capt. Kirk always wins in Star Trek should not be construed as a sign that we will necessarily prevail in our world.
And therein lies this Thursday Night Bar Fight quandary:
Which five heroes should be in our League?
Which complimentary mix of talents and abilities will give you the most amount of possible victories against unknown foes?
How will the characters be able to work as a team?
Keep in mind that unlike many comic books, there will no doubt be problems that will require solutions other than punching big things really hard.