Thursday Night Bar Fight #2: When Animals Attack!
Note: Thursday Night Bar Fights is a new FP regular feature. In a nutshell, each Thursday I’ll offer up a topic for folks to chime in and argue about – but each topic will be the kind of pointless query that gets friends passionately arguing after one too many beers. Thursday Night Bar Fight questions will be the kind that require no expertise; anyone insisting they’re arguing from authority on these topics will be full of it. Think: Stupid Tuesday Questions, only stupider, on the Front Page, and without brilliant essays to accompany them. Anyone that has a Bar Fight they’d like to start should feel free to email or tweet me a question for consideration in future weeks.
This week’s bar fight question comes from fellow Leaguer Conor Williams:
The year is 2015.
It turns out Glenn Beck was right, and Obamacare has instantly led our world into a post-apocolyptic, Thunder-Dome like dystopia. In this nightmare future, it has been decided that the next ruler of America will have to fight in an arena – with an animal of his or her choice acting as proxy. You have been chosen to be a contestant. The rules of this contest are simple: Two animals go in, one goes out, round after round until one animal stands alone.
Question: Which animal do you choose to fight for you, and why? Please explain why your choice will totally kick the ass of whatever lame-o animal other people choose.
Bonus Question: If you were forced to choose your college mascot (or high school mascot, if you did not attend college/your college did not have a mascot), make the case for why you aren’t totally screwed.
Update: It appears I should have said, but a few rules for this competition. You cannot choose “homo sapiens with big-ass weapon.” You may of course choose man (he is the most dangerous game!), but know that he’s be going in the arena with just the clothes on his back.
Answer, disagree and discuss below.