The Most Space Awesome Thursday Jukebox In The History of the Universe

Tod Kelly

Tod is a writer from the Pacific Northwest. He is also serves as Executive Producer and host of both the 7 Deadly Sins Show at Portland's historic Mission Theatre and 7DS: Pants On Fire! at the White Eagle Hotel & Saloon. He is  a regular inactive for Marie Claire International and the Daily Beast, and is currently writing a book on the sudden rise of exorcisms in the United States. Follow him on Twitter.

Related Post Roulette

29 Responses

  1. Rufus F. says:

    Well, that’d make him the first focused drummer I’ve ever met! Good songs! We’re gonna be booked up for Leaguestock 2014!Report

  2. Patrick Cahalan says:

    Tim’s a drummer?

    I did *not* see that coming. I would have pegged him as a bass man.Report

  3. Wardsmith says:

    A man decides to go on a vacation on a Pacific island. When he steps off the plane, it is amazing: Cool, light ocean breeze, palms gently swaying in the wind, white sandy beaches, drums off in the distance. He goes to his hotel, checks in, starts having the time of his life.

    When he turns in on the first night, he can still hear drums off in the distance. They were charming at first, but now it’s little annoying, and he has a hard time going to sleep. The next morning, he goes to concierge and asks about the drums. The concierge replies: “The drums, they never stop. Very, very bad if they stop.”

    So the man goes about his day in paradise, having a great time, but the drums never stop. He tries to ignore them, but they interfere with his sleep the second night. The next morning, fuzzy-headed from too many island drinks and too little sleep, again asks the concierge if something can be done about the drums. He gets the same reply: “Drums not stop. Very bad if they do.”

    The rest of the day is not fun. The drums are driving this man crazy, and he isn’t getting any sleep. The next day he is ready leave. He packs his bags and goes up to the front desk to check out. But first the man finds the concierge to give the concierge a piece of his mind. Suddenly, the drums stop.

    He says to the concierge: “They finally stopped! Thank god, I can get some sleep. I was about the leave.”

    The concierge says: “This is bad. Very, very bad. Flee from this island while you still can.”


    “Drums stop. Bass solo next.”Report

    • Mike Schilling in reply to Wardsmith says:


    • Michael Cain in reply to Wardsmith says:

      Not a bass joke, but…

      One of the stories that got passed around Bell Labs back in the day, when they were encouraging people to use their vacation days… Brilliant geek hadn’t taken a vacation day in years, department head finally forced him to go, recommended one of the little off-the-beaten-path places in the Caribbean. Near the end of the first week, department head receives a telegram (which says something about how far back the story goes) saying, “Having a great time, am staying for a second week.” Near the end of the second week, the DH receives a telegram reading, “Learning wind surfing, will stay for a third week.” The next week, the DH gets a telegram that says, “Opening wind surfing school. Please pack any personal things from my office and ship to <obscure Caribbean island>.”Report

      • Mike Schilling in reply to Michael Cain says:

        Like the ALU guy from The Soul of a New Machine.[1] He spends 16-hour days fixing problems that occur because this signal arrived a fraction of a nanosecond before that signal, instead of the other way around. One day he disappears. About a week later they get a postcard: “I have joined a commune in Vermont, and from now on will deal with no unit of time shorter than a season.”

        1. Which is a much easier book to enjoy if you’ve never had to work with one of those pieces of crap.Report

    • James Hanley in reply to Wardsmith says:

      Bass solo next

      Those always sound terrible. Everyone knows you can’t tuna fish.Report

  4. Will H. says:

    It sounds like good stuff.
    I’m impressed.Report

  5. Stillwater says:

    Damn, that’s good stuff.Report