GOP 2012: Worst Candidate Batch Ever?
It’s now Conventional Wisdom that this 2012 GOP bunch is the total pits, but objectively, the 2008 Democrats are right in there:
- Winner Division
—First-term US Senator, spent Years 3-4 of 6-yr term campaigning for president
—7 years as senator in Illinois state legislature
Mitt Romney [projected nominee]
—One-term Governor of Massachusetts [4 years]
—Success in private sector, “rescued” 2002 Winter Olympics [NYT]
Edge: Romney. Governorship counts as executive experience, legislative experience does not, and Romney wins 4-2 anyway. State legislatures are good political training, but so is being mayor of Wasilla. Crash Davis had 247 minor league home runs, which amounted to not much.
[Not Romney-Obama 2012. President Obama knows where the White House bathrooms are now, and this is no small thing.]
- Estrogen Division
—2nd term US Senator
—2nd term US House of Representatives
—7 years as senator in Minnesota state legislature
Edge: Sen./Mrs. Clinton. Senate beats House by a long way in American electoral history. And although Rep./Mrs. Bachmann is by contrast and to her credit a self-made woman with a state legislature background equal to Barack Obama’s, that counts for squat.
A savvy First Lady understands the presidency far more than the average Congressperson. Me, I’d take my chances on Laura Bush speaking for us on the global stage than, oh geez, Joe Biden. Thank God Hillary’s our Sec of State and Biden’s only the Vice President!
I was riffing on this one, but upon further review, I think most Obama-Biden voters are down with that realization too, better Hillary as Sec of State and Biden as VP than vice versa.
OK, now it gets fun:
- The Criminal Cocksman
The parallels are really amazing. There’s a pattern here:
—One-term US Senator
—Wife sick, another woman
—Up on charges for campaign funds squirreliness [criminal]
—10-term US congressman
—Speaker of the House for 4 years
—Wife sick, another woman
—Nailed on charges for campaign funds squirreliness [non-criminal]
Edge: Newt. Gotta call him by his first name, like Madonna or Cher. To know him is to love him. To get to know him any better than that is to hate him.
John Edwards was and is a non-entity except for his personal corruption, some “Two Americas” blather and some very good looks. Newt is Newt, but John Edwards isn’t anybody.
Now it gets really fun:
- Freak Show Division
Dennis Kucinich vs. Ron Paul
They make exquisite sense on this issue or that and on none of the rest. If 90% of life is just showing up—and it is—90% of our issues are beyond their ken.
Edge: Ron Paul, just because he was an OB/GYN who delivered 4000 babies. If you’d let Dennis to deliver our baby, I would not be your baby mama.
Bill Richardson vs. Rick Perry
Edge: Richardson, who was also Ambassador to the UN and Secretary of Energy. But Richardson also goes into the
vs. Herman Cain
In the Un-re-electable One-term Senator category, along with John Edwards, Rick Santorum.
Edge: Santorum, for not being a criminal crook. But neither one could even carry his own home state, so who cares?
In the Whodat Division, John Huntsman & Gary Johnson vs. Chris Dodd & Mike Gravel
Edge: GOP. If every other name in this post got a brain-eating fungus and that’s who was left, Huntsman gets the nod over Chris Dodd the unindicted crook and Gravel, who fits in squarely between Ron Paul and Dennis Kucinich.
Summary: Pretty much a push, and for the GOP, pretty much par for a year with a sitting incumbent. Gov. Mitch Daniels [R-IN] looked like a shoo-in when he decided not to run, and even more now that we’ve seen the rest of the GOP field in action. Unfortunately, some unpretty family history [none of it his fault] led him to wisely decline to run and expose his family to the horrors of the 24/7 news cycle.
In the end, it only takes one; that’s all there’s room for. After shopping from sea to shining sea for a mate, the GOP will marry the boy next door. In November, it’ll be Romney vs. Obama, and most of the rest of the fields of 2008 and 2012 will return to well-deserved obscurity.
[For which this post is destined as well..]