Eating the Rich: By the Numbers
“Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to eat for lunch.”
Although Ben Franklin didn’t actually say that [it dates back only to the 1990s], it’s already a familiar American truism.
And since in a recent poll 66% of us said the rich should be taxed more, the math is damned near perfect!
Now, we all agree the rich must pay their fair share; few will commit to an actual theoretical maximum rate, so for now, “fair” means “more.”
OK, more. If “fair” means undoing the top bracket’s Bush-era tax rates for the Clinton era’s [back to 39.6% from the current 35%], and we could be done with all this once and for all, I really think something could be worked out.
But tax rates are small potatoes. Nothing’s ever going to be done about the rich once and for all, where we go our way and let them go theirs. We have “income inequality” and “wealth inequality” as offenses against cosmic justice, fairness, against the laws of God* and man themselves, an impending doom of the American Way and of the health and harmony of the republic itself.
I mean, look at this cool graph:
Nice touch, the American flag. Makes class warfare look downright patriotic.
Fact is, to their ever-lovin’ credit, the American people don’t do class warfare. Or at least a little more than half of us still don’t, according to the latest Gallup poll.
The enemies of the republic, bottom right of the patriotic graph in question, are “the Waltons,” 6 Lucky Sperm Club scions of the Wal-Mart family, sitting on some $69.7 billion in wealth! Meanwhile, the lower 30% of Americans don’t have a dime in the bank, or are upside-down in their mortgages, or both. What The Heck [WTH] up with that?
But the problem is—and here’s where math comes in for our liberal arts majors—if we kill these so-called “Waltons” and split up the money, back-of-the-envelope
$70 billion of theirs ÷ 350 million of us
nets us $200 each, minus the cost of disposing of the bodies.
Plus these guys got lawyers, guns and money. Righting cosmic injustice is seldom as easy as it looks. And for a lousy 200 bucks? You gotta be kidding me. You gotta at least throw in a tan Sierra—then we could talk.
*“Go thou to the rich man’s house. Take all his stuff, and distribute it to the poor. Oh, and keep a smidge for yourself, if thou art of the middle class.”–The Gospel According to St. Bastard