Using a Phone
Dear Everyone in the First World:
Since many of you seem to have a small difficulty with the use of telecommunications devices in spite of their ubiquity, I’m going to offer two pieces of advice that will greatly enable your ability to use these devices in a manner that does not infuriate the rest of the general population.
When you are calling someone from a cell phone, and you get a voicemail box, remember that what they are hearing at the other end is not what you are saying at your end. Cell phone connections have lower audio quality than the spoken voice, and when there is not an actual person at the other end, there is no verbal cue for you to let you know that your signal quality is poor and the person with whom you are communicating may not be able to understand what you are saying. Speak clearly, and slowly, and if you leave a particularly important piece of data (your name, your return phone number, for example), you may want to repeat it. Remember that the phone number you’re calling may not be a cell phone, and may not record your callback number.
Start your message with the two most important pieces of data: WHO YOU ARE AND HOW I GET IN TOUCH WITH YOU. Especially if you are about to leave a longer(ish) message, because (see #1) I may have to replay your message several times in order to decypher what it is you are saying.
If you leave a 70 second voicemail message and the end of it is, “(pop)Thisis(fizzle)n… and youcan(frzt)callmebackatsixohnine(fade)nfoureightohsixnineone” I’m going to have to listen to this message at least four times to figure out that your phone number is 609-X48-0691 for X= either 1 or 7… and I don’t know if this is John, or Adrian, or Marian…
This makes me cordially hate you, and wastes five minutes of time on what is usually a problem that usually isn’t worth three. Bringing hate into the world is bad for your karma. Spread love, leave good voice mail messages.
P.S. -> it’s better to send me an email anyway.