Obama’s secret vault

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Erik Kain

Erik writes about video games at Forbes and politics at Mother Jones. He's the contributor of The League though he hasn't written much here lately. He can be found occasionally composing 140 character cultural analysis on Twitter.

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21 Responses

  1. Avatar Dave says:

    You’re going to get a healthy dose of Law and Order if you’re not careful.Report

  2. Avatar Jaybird says:

    Does he have an opinion on vaccination?Report

    • Avatar North says:

      I hope not. There’s only so much batshit crazy I can take before noon on a hump day.Report

      • Avatar Jaybird says:

        This goes back, I suspect, to the concept of “bundling”.

        People see Chuck Norris see a bad guy and then kick said bad guy’s butt. Not only is the bad guy’s butt kicked, but it’s kicked proper. If you find yourself wondering “if God came down from heaven and wanted to kick a little butt, how would He do it?”, you could look at the kicking that Chuck Norris does and make a reasonable approximation of what God would be likely to do.

        Fair enough.

        The problem is that we go from there to “I wonder what kind of sandwiches he likes…” and we care enough to buy a magazine that pays someone money to ask Chuck Norris such things as “what kind of sandwiches do you like?” (creating positive feedback resulting in more magazines devoted to the sandwich choices of the stars) and Chuck Norris himself gets it stuck in his fool head that his sandwich choices are somehow important.

        If it were left there then that wouldn’t be so bad, I suppose. But someone asks “what do you think about the president???” and when the President was Red Team President, he started singing Lee Greenwood and when the president is Blue Team President he starts writing shit like what’s linked.

        Which makes it easy to forget that the only reason we liked him in the first place was that spinning back kick (or whatever it is) that allowed him to kick the butt of oh-so-many.

        This brings us back to the Dixie Chicks and Ted Nugent and any given artist who happens to yell something that angers/thrills the audience most likely to buy the t-shirt. Is Chuck Norris shitting where he eats? I doubt it. It’s yet another reminder of how long it has been since a celebrity was asked something about something well outside of normal celebrity circles of expertise and gave an answer that either A) Made Sense or B) was “dude, I just do celebrity things, ask me about moisturizers.”Report

        • Avatar E.D. Kain says:

          Meh. The last time I posted about Norris it was a response to his column which said that had the Virgin Mary had Obamacare she would surely have aborted the baby Jesus. At this point Norris is deserving of all the bundled contempt and scorn he gets.Report

          • Avatar Jaybird says:

            To be sure: The Dixie Chicks were not offered a column by anyplace I know of and, sigh, there are obviously people out there rabid enough to patronize Chuck Himself’s column not because Chuck Himself wrote it but because of, shudder, it’s content.

            It makes me want to yell: The dude won 30 tournaments. Nothing wrong with that. It’s quite admirable. This does not indicate political nuance one way or the other.Report

          • Avatar Art Deco says:

            Chuck Norris is ‘deserving of all … contempt’? Given the general coarseness of political discourse and mass entertainment, that seems rather florid.

            Don’t you think you might develop a more elevated hobby than trolling about for public statements by Republicans that you can, with a little stretching and pulling, hold up to public ridicule? (Last week it was someone named Andrew Schlafly, who was given by fate the unenviable task of attempting to discuss epistemology and the sociology of knowledge while being brayed at by Stephen Colbert). There is a world out there.Report

  3. Avatar Sam M says:

    When I was teaching, one of my tudents wrote a really good essay regarding the way Chuck Norris influenced his view of what “manliness” means. Being old, I thought the whole thing would be about Delta Force and the other kung-fu movies. But no. His entire experience with Norris revolved around “Walker, Texas Ranger.” That show was to this kid what the A-Team was to me. I had no idea. And I had always thought that Walker was a show for old ladies.

    What I am getting at, though, is that Norris would pretty much have the youth vote wrapped up if he ever ran for office. (I would still vote for Mr. T, working under the assumption that his maneuvering of the black van would help with the War on Terror.) Plus he would get the old lady vote. Besides, he’s also the anti-Palin in a way. She can’t really describe where Russia is? Well, Norris is so well versed in policy that he casually quotes regulations by paragraph and subsection!

    Pretty much, he would be an electoral juggernaut.Report

  4. Avatar Jaybird says:

    For those for whom the charge of “hypocrisy” is quite possibly the worst thing you can say about another person, I suggest looking up Chuck Norris’s Chun Kuk Do’s Code of Honor:

    Pay close attention to 4, 5, 8, 9, and 10!

    1. I will develop myself to the maximum of my potential in all ways.
    2. I will forget the mistakes of the past and press on to greater achievements.
    3. I will continually work at developing love, happiness and loyalty in my family.
    4. I will look for the good in all people and make them feel worthwhile.
    5. If I have nothing good to say about a person, I will say nothing.
    6. I will always be as enthusiastic about the success of others as I am about my own.
    7. I will maintain an attitude of open-mindedness.
    8. I will maintain respect for those in authority and demonstrate this respect at all times.
    9. I will always remain loyal to God, my country, family and my friends.
    10. I will remain highly goal-oriented throughout my life because that positive attitude helps my family, my country and myself.Report

  5. Avatar Bob Cheeks says:

    “Secret Vault?”….well, is this an example of the Big O helping out his Muslim brothers?
    The League better keep an eye on this one.Report

  6. Avatar Art Deco says:

    All right, E.D. Kain, just which of Chuck Norris’ questions and speculations counts as ‘crazy’, and why?Report

    • Avatar Jaybird says:

      “I have no doubt that Interpol will become Obama’s secret vault for terrorists’ criminal records and evidence – and whatever else he and his Cabinet want to place in there.”Report

      • Avatar Art Deco says:

        That is a statement of opinion. This may be in error and incongruent with someone’s granular knowledge of how evidence is handled. How is it ‘crazy’?Report

        • Avatar Jaybird says:

          “It is my opinion that this aluminium foil deflects mind-control rays by acting as a mini-faraday cage around my brain.”

          While just an opinion, it’s still pretty nutty!Report

          • Avatar rob says:

            You know what’s nutty? The idea that being an opinion disqualifies a statement from being nutty.Report

            • Avatar Art Deco says:

              Chuck Norris is uncharitable in his assessment of the President’s motives. He is so in ways considerably less antic than have been common lately (see the utterances of James Fetzer and Marc Crispin Miller, to name two). None of you answer the question. Why is such an interpretation ‘crazy’ rather than merely uncharitable?Report

  7. Avatar Bob Cheeks says:

    Does anyone remember when our Fearless Leader gave a speech, sometime ago, about how America required a homeland (I’m paraphrasing here) force as large as the American military? I don’t remember the particulars, other than the call for this “force,” though I do remember his followers clapping and cheering throughout what may have been the weirdest speech an American president ever gave.
    I just thought I”d add to the hysteria!Report

    • Avatar Scott says:

      Where can I sign up? I’ll do it if I get a cool uniform, a truncheon and the power to have those I don’t like carried off in middle of the night.Report

      • Avatar Bob Cheeks says:

        and you get to join the union and get un-taxed healthcare!Report

      • Avatar JosephFM says:

        What if the uniform is just an oversized cheap t-shirt made in china and screenprinted with fugly MS Publisher graphics, and you only have the power to annoy your neighbors (which, if you’re taking the position, you probably had already). And you get paid sub-graduate assistant wages (ie a partial tuition waiver and nothing else).Report